I never knew I hated myself so much until I realised the amount I harboured for myself. I never realised or perhaps never had to think about loving myself, about how I see myself because nothing challenged me to, nothing anyone said mattered to me until one day it did and it changed my entire life.
I never gave much thought about how people viewed me. Some thought I was beautiful, some said I was cute, smart or a little annoying. There were good and there was bad but none mattered. I was a little aloof in a way.
The biggest mistake I ever made was letting how someone viewed and thought of me affect how I saw myself. It was just one moment and I lost the respect I had for myself. My confidence, self-esteem. All of it.
Days weren’t easy after that. Every moment I lived and breathed were full of questions and doubts about myself. I always wondered if I did or said the right thing, if I was thinking the right thing. It started out small and before I knew it I lost myself.
I don’t know the kind of person I am. I don’t know the kind of girl friend or a friend or any other thing that I am.
I never knew who was I and it didn’t matter but now it does and I want to know.