Love, it is a wonderful thing isn’t it?
Love for nature, love for life, love for art, love for another human being. Unidentifiable but undeniably vast is it not? Love, to me, it has always been baffling, leaving me in awe. How can one single emotion make everything so better, channel so much energy and determination in a person?
Love is a mystery unfathomable to the small-hearted. The love I talk about now is not the love for a passion or a hobby, or anything of one’s liking. The love I talk of is the one that is all the craze nowadays, love for another human being in a sensual way.
Loving him was perhaps one of the best feelings I have ever experienced. It was when I saw him that I learnt how duration you have known a person holds no place in love. It happens as naturally as breathing or blinking.
Summer of ‘15 when I first saw him.
He was the first person I contacted once home that summer. Though we could not meet that very day, we met the next. I had never seen him and was anxious.
I walked up the stairs and out the gate, turned right and there he was tall and dressed in brown jacket paired with black jeans, facing the opposite direction.
I walked towards him. As he turned in my direction, I swear, my heart froze for a moment and I couldn’t breathe. His eyes, though looked like that of a drunken man, it made me feel something I couldn’t quite comprehend then. I smiled at him and we exchanged our greetings.
We went for a coffee.
I sat facing him, soaking in the words he let out and throwing in some of my own.
Thick brows, luscious lips and a smile that could turn anyone’s frown upside down. As he listened to me, looking at me intently, I couldn’t help but keep wondering how it be to touch him, to keep looking into his eyes without it being awkward. How it would feel to hug him. His eyes, seemed so astray and distant but somehow, when he looked at me and smiled, I think, I am sure I saw a glimmer for a moment or two.
We met everyday and I grew to know him better, he was my new comfort zone. With him, time felt old, as if we had known each other for ages and were two souls intertwined into a mystic that neither of us could comprehend. Within days I was telling him of all the things that I kept to myself, of the things I didn’t even think would morph into words. I knew I was in love with this guy and I was divided: a part of me wanted to let him know of the emotions I bore while the other was trying its best to be cautious.
The first late night we had. We went up to one of the most popular sites in town, walked to the edge, near the fence and looked down into the valley dotted with lights of various colors. He gave me his jacket to wear, the scent was mesmerizing. He told me of which cluster of light was where, made plans to go visit one of those places one day as he leaned closer to me, a hand on the fence and other pointing into the space I no longer felt existed, my heart raced and cheeks flushed. I grabbed onto the fence and held it tight, suppressing the urge to lean in and kiss him. Perhaps he knew how I felt, I hoped he did.
It got late and we decided to leave. The way was dark, he took my hand and guided me. It felt perfect, the way my hand was enveloped by his. I wanted to keep holding it and never let go. It scared me.
Day after day, I grew closer to him. Closer not in a physical sense but somehow spiritually, emotionally I felt connected to this being. Everything felt right with him, every little thing. It felt right.
He wasn’t the perfect guy. He had very evident and obvious flaws, some subtle ones too. He made mistakes, he did more wrongs than right but I could never stop loving him. All I could do was keep falling for him more. He had the perfect imperfections, the right wrongs and the flaws were flawlessly full of flaws.
He made my world better.
He wasn’t just a friend, he was family.